Student life..........you can't beat it !
So what if Jesus turned water into wine...I turned a whole student loan into Vodka once. Your move Jesus...
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word fascinate."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I really wanted the word fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word fascinate so she called on him.
Little Johnny said, "My sister's sweater has ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"
If you were to take all of the students in the UK who fall asleep in their lectures and lay them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
The U.S. Department of Education announced today that 2 of 3 students do badly in grammar, but the other half are doing good in maths
What did the kamikaze pilot say to his students?
Watch closely - I'm only going to show you once!
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty, one to hold the bulb up and the other nineteen to keep drinking until the room starts spinning.
university is hard. We work 11 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 2 weeks a year.
A student visits their professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes his door and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do ...anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything?!"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... revise?"
Well my exams are coming to an end now, makes me think really, after sitting in 6 or so exams totally bewildered and confused, I really should have picked revision over porn
My 16-year-old son has just finished his exams and left school, so I sat him down for a father-to-son talk.
"So," I started, "What do you want to do with the rest of your life?"
"I want to be a lollipop man," he replied.
"A lollipop man? Why?"
"Well," he said, "that way I won't have to start working until I'm 65."
